Looking Back To Go Forward

So i’ve started to fool around with some new idea about what I want to do next, while I wait for the money to clear for the boardgame, and put it in a nice trip abroad. Part of my way of approaching this year is to look back at how i’ve managed to get here, and use each moment to make sure I can avoid the old pitfalls and turn this year into something serious, but not too much.

I’ve sort of managed to put some old feelings to rest, while coaxing the unfamiliar other ones up, so I can figure out how to make sense of the complex and confusing child posing as an adult that I am. It’s something that comes with writing, which appears to be one of the things they don’t tell you about writing, if it’s going to work it’s got to be real.

I’m not saying that everything you read of mine is going to be factual, but you will find a something resembling me that will give a little insight into the way i think. The great thing about writing is it provides a fun-house style mirror for readers to look into, usually seeing some part of themselves in there too.

Writing requires attention and energy, and writers find themselves giving away maybe more than they’d like, but it’s less biographical and more a photograph of that person in that moment. The next short story is probably going to be similar, there may be echoes of that thought in the next book, but it’s never the same again.

I think that’s why I love writing, it has a way of letting you communicate with not only other people, but also yourself. I found myself finishing short stories and wondering where those strange little thoughts came from, and the mad ways my brain would shuffle them around like cards in a deck.

Writing a novel is different, mainly because it requires persistence and trust, something which can be difficult that those 3.am ideas that you might not be that good. Each draft revealed a little more of what I was trying to say, and i’d always end up sighing as I realised I had figured it all out in my head, and my brain was happy to wait patiently while the rest of me caught up.

For many of us, we live in the dark staring into the sun for some comfort, but stare too long you risk blinding yourself to the faint outlines in the shade. Those who walk the darkness, with their hands outstretched often misinterpret what they feel, judging everything by the constant fear of the unknown. Life is not meant to be spent in entirely in constant consistency and comfort, in the light or the dark. We succeed, we fall, we love, we hate, but this is all part of what it is to be alive. Embrace each moment with the same open-mindedness, and you will realise that you are capable of some truly remarkable things.

A little bit of writing from a few years ago. 

Now i’ve finished my first novel The Z-List Celebrities, which is a story about shadows, faith, and popularity. I didn’t know when I started the story that I was writing a story about all of the isolation and worry that hung over my head at the time like a blog black cloud.

This was a time when I had decided to become a writer, and to Hell with the consequences. Problems seemed to snowball as I continued my writing, causing friends to walk out of my life, and all sorts of things that seemed sad, but seemed to be a sign that I should keep going and get it all down.

Everything that happened found its way into my book, even if I technically didn’t realise I was doing it, but taking the credit for it all the same. Now i’ve finished the latest draft I have looked over it and found all sorts of bits that look sort of like things or conversations which happened, but not quite in the same way. I was proud, and people haven’t complained yet for the similarities, so everything seems fine.

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Here’s me in 2014, with William, and my friends.

Now my eyes are set in all sorts of directions, like a boss-eyed cat, with my pen slowly starting to scribble away something which looks like a children’s story. Something set in a city within a magical hour, and filled with lots of strange masks. The first few pages in my new notebook felt right, and i’m excited to see what comes from this new story.

In other news the front garden is slowly filling with scraps of peel, seeds, and the occasional nut. Hopefully by the start of spring the garden will begin to show signs of life, and me and Holly can start growing all sorts of things. I am english so I am naturally drawn towards gardening, but I admit I have no idea whether i’m going to be any good, which gives it that exciting chaotic element.

If you’ve liked what you read and want to support me while I make stuff up for a living then head over to my Patreon and give me some money to buy a coffee or a pen or something. If not I hope you’ve done something creative today, and try and share it, who knows you may just encourage someone else to try something.

 

 

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