So I am a writer, and spend most of my time either writing, planning what to write, or the occasional reading where I think “OOO I could write something like that”. I forget what day it is most of the time, in fact i’m a little hard pressed to figure out what time it is as well. I only realised about five minutes ago that it was Friday, and not so long ago weekends meant something.
I am happy to spend my time trying to work on my craft, which helps when you have such an obsessive mindset like mine. Completely unable to let things that interest me go, I spend hours trying to figure out how something can fit in my head in the right way. It has its downsides, especially when i’m trying to sleep, but the mind won’t stop being excited or anxious about specific things.
As said about I spend most of my time sat with a book, pad, or computer in my lap, so don’t often take time off to go out and listen to whatever music is popular right now. I’m in two minds about how I feel about that right now, because while I often find myself out feeling unfaithful towards my work, it also gives my mind a new environment to stretch itself out, and come up with new ideas.
Over the years I have realised that everyone is mad in their own right, it’s not just me. This often leads to nights where I meet some of the most interesting and unusual people, which naturally get churned up, altered slightly, and then put into my work. I have one of those faces apparently that can go out with enough for a drink, and end up befriending a rowdy bunch of German poets, only to end up seeing sideways the day after.
There is a lot to be said about going out and breaking through the comfort zone, whether you’re an artist or not. It keeps us from growing stale, and our work from becoming too narrow-minded. I am usually encouraged to come out and watch my partner dance on stages at various events and clubs, where I am introduced to a new-level of insanity.
Around February last year, I had the privilege of watching my partner smile and dance in fishnets, boots, and not much else on stage, which was a new experience for me. I remember wondering how i’d feel about such a novel and unique environment that I was so unaccustomed to. The thing I hadn’t expected was the reception from other people.
I was stopped several times to stop her and encourage her to put a bit more crotch thrust, and spice into the moves, because apparently it wasn’t doing much for this man. I didn’t know what to say, my brain struggled between a scathing response, and a dismissive polite smile. I think I ended up telling him to forward his opinions directly, because i’m not the sort to tell anyone what to do, mainly because it’s not me up there (Thank god).
It wasn’t the only conversation along those lines I had that night, and when I told her about the general, balding publics opinions on how she should buck up her ideas, she laughed. I left that night feeling more exposed than she did, and it wasn’t the fact that it was my girlfriend up there, it was the idea that just because it was my girlfriend it meant I had some sort of right to her in what could only register as some kind of Jabba the Hutt kind of way. Incidentally most of the men did look like extras from Starwars.
Still I took it all in my stride, and the striking personalities made it into my work, or were noted down for future reference, but I didn’t feel put off by the experience. People have often opened themselves to me in ways that seems surreal, and unnecessary. I understand that people have a hard time in life, and seeing some tall, daft-faced mass of curly hair, seems to have a loose-lip effect, but there has to be a limit surely?
I appreciate anyone who can be open and honest, and yes that means more often than not you meet people with the complexity of a Mr. Man character, and the mindset of a Dr. Seuss. Whenever I think of those moments when someone is “Happened” upon, I am filled with a mixture of sympathy and encouragement that despite all seriousness, everyone’s just bonkers.
I don’t drink that much usually (excluding this new years), and I find that sober sense a removal from the reality of the club scene. I think it’s because reality holds no sway in the confines of a weekend night out, and you have to respect that when you enter through the front doors.
Everyone’s free and happy, telling each other how much they love them every five minutes, then off into the rising dawn for chips and the occasional back ally piss. For everyone else it’s a bit of a no-mans-land, filled with: bottled emotions, rising jealousy, and second-guessed intoxication. For them the club scene can seem more of a confinement than a cave for reclusion. You see it in the arguments, thrown fists, and arrival of the police.
Still the weekends roll on, and I think we’ve all fell into the different nooks and crannies found on a Friday night, and that’s fine. It’s not always big and bright, but then again it simply cannot rain all the time. Like everything in life you have to remember that moments are defined just by: places, money, or friends, but an odd cocktail of all of the above and so much more.
I don’t miss going out, spending the night either too sober, or too drunk to rarely get into the hang of it, but then again I also find that it’s important to not overlook the power of spending time surrounded by roomfuls of people just as mad as you are.
Right now i’m happy to spend my time reading, and finishing my book, knowing once it’s done I can relax a little , and maybe mix it up a bit. I have met some amazing people in the strangest of places, and they have changed my life for the better. 2016 would have been something else entirely if I told my girlfriend to be that I didn’t want to go out to a club on NYE.
I love moments like that, they remind us that we don’t really know what’s going on, but have gotten wise to a single way of doing things. Every now and then someone comes along and plants the tiny seed of doubt in your mind that forces you to step just a little off the beaten path, and give chaos another chance. Sometimes it reminds us why we were on the path in the first place, and then other times we realise that we’ve just been a little too preoccupied and scared to notice the chance for opportunity in those wild and weird places.